Kelly's Thoughts and Stupid Boys
by toriCason
Summary: This is what Kelly Kapoor thinks about on a not-so-average day.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the Office. Or any characters. **

**This kind of sucks. But I really wanted to do a story about what Kelly thinks about all day, then as I continued writing it developed a much deeper story line. It might be hard to understand what's happening because people don't really think about what they are doing as they are doing it (like, "I am typing a description for my story while sitting on the couch") so I tried to provide hints like what she sees as she's walking in etc. etc. So enjoy and sorry for rambling.(:**

* * *

><p>Remember, Kelly, smile and look cheerful, grand entrances are important, your hott and everyone is in love with you… Whoa, I do look ah-MAY-zing today; my lip gloss would've perfectly matched that cute pink blouse with that slouchy shoulder and the sequin neckline from Wet Seal. I can't believe that ugly fat whore at the mall stole that shirt from me. HELLO I was obviously walking over there to— what if Ryan thought she was hotter than me? No way, she totally wasn't. But maybe he does. I have to ask him… "RYANNNN!" No answer. What if he's out with that skank? Never mind, he's in his "office." Duh, Kelly, you're totally hotter than her anyway and Ryan totally loves you. OMIGOD! Jim has a new baby picture on his desk. How cute. Ryan and I should have a baby. It would be wayyyy adorabler… no that can't be right. Speaking of Michael, where is he? What is he doing to Oscar? Eww, for a gay guy, he has noooo sense of fashion. Hmm... H&amp;M is having a sale. OHHH! So is Victoria Secret. "Toby, should I get a blue or red sweater?" God, he can never hear me when I talk to him. Whatever, I would've gotten blue no matter what he said. But red might look better… OMIGOD, they have purple. OMIGOD—OMIGOD—OMIGOD… Ryan is walking over here. Act cool, don't make him leave. "Hi Ryan!" Eww, my voice sounds squeaky. I wonder if he thinks it does… OMIGOD! He's kissing me! He totally loves me; did I take my birth control this morning…? It doesn't matter; I forget all the time and I never get pregnant. I need to go grocery shopping… But I hate going. Maybe I'll just have pizza for dinner. Or make Ryan take me out. Kelly! Stop thinking, just focus on kissing… Tacos sound good. I need to go shoe shopping too… I read somewhere that Atlanta has good shops. I should go there or maybe Las Vegas. "Wait, Ryan, come back!" Ughhh, stupid boys. I hate boys. Not that I like girls. I mean yeah, I like girls, but just as friends. Lesbians are gross! I dunno why boys like girls kissing so much. Maybe I should get new lingerie. Ryan reallyyy liked the kind I got last time. I'll surprise him! I wish he was in the annex with me again… One new Facebook notification, awesome! Aww, it's just a tag. "Center of Attention" God, Neepa, screw you! I hate having sisters. Ryan is lucky; I wish I was an only child. My feet hurt. I wish I had a boyfriend like Andy. Andy would give me a foot massage. Stupid Ryan has "feetaphobia" or something… Stupid boys never do anything for their girlfriends. R… Retarded Ryan! Haha! I'm so funny and witty. No wonder all the guys like me.<p>

_...Can't you see that I'm the one that understands you been here all along so why can't you see-e-e, you belong with me-e-e. You belong with me. Walkin' the streets with you and your… something… can't help but thinkin' this is…_

What comes next? Is that even right? I love Taylor Swift. She and Beyoncé totally sing everything I'm thinking and feeling. Omigod, it is lunch already! This day is totally awesome and super speedy! Where's Ryan? He better not be hooking up with some whore. Aww, he bought me a drink. Eww! Root beer! He knows I don't like root beer! "You know I don't like root beer!" Stupid boys never remember the sodas their girlfriends like.

"…Sorry, I guess I forgot…" Aww, he's turning red! I have the cutest boyfriend everrr! God, I'm so fat. "Ryan, do you think I'm fat?"

"No, you're perfect." Good. His sandwhich looks so yummy. I don't think he would mind me eating his crust, after all I only brought yogurt and he hates crust anyways.

"Do you want half?" Boys can be sooo stupid! "No Ryan, duh, I'm not hungry." I don't know why he doesn't like crust. It's sooo good.

"Are you sure…?" I hate ham. And I feel vomity. Isn't there a word for that? "Of course I'm –" Omigod omigod omigod. Eww, this is sooo nasty. And it tastes sooo nasty. And it burns my throat. This is totally gross. I'm so embarrassed! If I were Ryan I would never ever wanna talk to me again!

"Kelly…?" aww, he's checking on me! I bet my breath smells and I look nasty, so there is no way I can come out, "Kelly… Are you okay? Want me to get Erin to go in there…?" Doesn't he know Erin and I are fighting? H-E-L-L-O! I told him all about it last night… Stupid boys don't ever listen. "NO!" Maybe if I put my coat on and tell Toby I'm sick then just walk out the door no one will notice. I guess I can try… My heels make funny sounds on the bathroom tile. Click clack click clack... I could make a song out of that! Snap, I forgot Ryan's office is right next to the bathroom…

"Are you okay…?" Do I smell okay? Do I look okay? Of course I'm not okay! "I'm fine." Maybe if I smile he'll believe me.

"I'm gonna… I'm gonna take you home…" I knew he really cared about me! Ouch, squealing hurts my throat. God, my stomach is cramping like hell! I think I'm getting my period or something. When was the last time I had it…? Last weekend we went to the baseball game, weekend before that we went to a Ke$ha concert, weeked before that he had the flu so he couldn't take me to the circus, weekend before that we went iceskating, weekend before that he tried to teach me to play Xbox, weekend before that I was on my period so I didn't want to go to that club so we watched Bridget Jones Diary. So…1…2…3…4…5… Uh oh. I'm a week late. "Uhh… can you pull over at that CVS?"

He looks so nervous… "Sure…" Aww! He's holding my hand! I wish he would do that when we're around people we actually know. Where are they anyway? Oh! I see them! This is sooo awkward. No, this isn't awkward, this isn't awkward, this isn't awkward. But it totally is.

"Why do you need a pregnancy test? You're not pregnant." Stupid boys never wear condoms. Stupid boys like Ryan. "I'm a week late." No, Ryan don't let go of my hand! The cash register lady is giving me an evil glare and Ryan won't even look at me. It's his fault too! I didn't rape him, except that one time and it wasn't really rape and he totally liked it. And that was like months ago. I wish his radio worked… It's so quiet in here. Maybe I should tell him about how Miley's parents decided not to get a divorce, or how Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are totally dating. No, he looks really mad. I think I'm just going to be quiet. He's scaring me. Like that opossum that was outside my apartment. Eww, it was so icky. I should totally name our baby Johnny Finn Justin Pitt Howard… If it's a boy. Because Finn Hudson (from Glee), Johnny Depp, Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, and Ryan Howard are the hottest guys in the world!

"How did this happen…?" He sounds so sad. Is a baby that bad? They're so cute, and cuddly. Like a puppy, except babies are easier, and Ryan would never let me get a puppy. Kelly, stop giggling, this isn't funny at all. "Do you really not know where babies come from, Ryan?" Stop giggling. Finally. "And I don't even know if I am yet, the test is still in the bag." I totally hope I am. Then Ryan will love me forever.

"Seriously, Kelly. Aren't you like on birth control or something?" Really, Ryan? Aren't you supposed to wear condoms or something? "Aren't you supposed to wear condoms or something?" That sounded a lot cuter in my head. Omigod, he's sighing. He's totally pissed off at me. At least we're finally home.

"Here." He totally didn't have to throw the box at me. I am pregnant with his baby and he's still such a jerk face. I should start crying, that'll show him! No, I don't want to make him any madder than he already is... I'm so glad Ryan finally let me move in; this place was a total drab before. Now it's so cute! I love pink bathrooms. It has polka-dots, and zebra print which totally go together. People (like Ryan) don't think so, but they totally do. Ugh, I can't pee. Sandra Natalie Clare Howard is the perfect name for a girl! Sandra Bullock, Natalie Portman, and Clare Danes are all totally equally awesome. So how long do I wait after peeing? Eight minutes? No wait, ten.

"So…?" For such a smarty pants business graduate, Ryan is a stupid boy. "Ten minutes." Should I go sit next to him? He looks so lonely there… Kind of like how lonely Gerard Butler was in the Ugly Truth before he realized he was in love with Katherine Heigl…

"What are we going to do?" Aww! He said "we"! "Duh, keep it!" Did I sound too happy? Like I planned it? Cause I totally didn't. I swear it was an accident. A bittersweet mistake. Eight minutes have passed. This is taking forever! I need to go maternity shopping! Jeans with elastic bands are sooo dorky and ugly, so maybe I should just wear skirts. Omigod, it's time! What does two lines mean? Omigod, am I having twins? I totally can't handle two of them. Where is he going? "Ryan? Where are you going?"

"I gotta get out of here." Stupid boys never stay.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you guys liked it. But, as I said before, it's kind of terrible. So leaving me a review saying what I should've done to have made it better would be awesome. (:<strong>


End file.
